I always thought I would be able to be a compassionate service provider-- and then I actually showed up to work/play.  Sometimes you have to laugh just to keep from crying- or hitting someone.

Actual complaints of patients that want to be seen in the ED today:

"I've had seven bowls of cereal today and I'm still hungry"

"No there is nothing wrong with me.  I just want to make sure that I'm okay before I go on vacation (for three days)."

"I was licked by my cat, and I think I need a tetnus shot."

"My left leg is going to fall off!" (Small fishhook superficially attached to the leg, fell out on it's own.)

"I think I'm drunk"

"My right pinky hurts, and I've been known to go into cardiac arrest because of the pain (in my little finger)"

Pain...

Recently overheard

Nurse: On a scale of one to ten with ten being the worst pain you could ever imagine and

(over the nurse) Patient: It's a twenty!

Nurse: Let's start this again and please let me finish the question this time.  This is a scale of one to ten only.  Ten is the top

(over the nurse) Patient: It's a ten plus!

Nurse (sighing- probably rolling her eyes): On a scale of one to ten with ten being the worst pain you could ever imagine and one being no pain- 

In other words a ten is one of your body parts has been ripped off and is in the next room. 

Eight would be active labor without the epidural. 

Five is several broken bones etc..

Now, on my scale, what number would you like to use to rate the scratch on your arm.

Patient: Do I have to use your scale?

While we may not be quite as small as Mayberry, we are not a large hospital.  Our area is large enough to be a city, but rarely recognized on the map, and is often thought of as a "blink and you'll miss it" stop along the road.  

It doesn't seem to matter how large or small the facility you work in is-- there are a few static characteristics:

Frequent Fliers visit more than once a month.

More people plan to visit for "free" than ever plan to pay.

8 am is not too early for the drunk to arrive by EMS-- they may or may not be a leftover from last night.

The Sunday night of a three day weekend brings in all those that don't want to go back to work in the morning.

The more tattoos, the larger the fear of the IV needle.

Those that are grateful probably did need to be here.

As soon as the staff enters the room with a pre-conceived notion of how the visit will end the setup begins for a mistake to be made.

No matter how hard we try to educate, we can't fix stupid.